Thursday, 26 January 2012

The Unwanted 

Ok, so nothing in life really works.But we all have to take chances- I always have the hardest time making friends- but i took a chance, and i made a friend-but its gone all a rye. i'm not sure if my emotions are making this worst or this is reality-- but i'm standing at the edge of oblivion.
I take a million decision which lead to a sharp turn that lead to another unmapped situation or purely different conclusion. My mild manner
 side is always titeringly making the lightest of each outcome- but my insane side always makes life events into a scenario of war- its like every trivial event turns to a sweeping wave- as a solider entering 
a barrack jumping across the traps manoeuvring over grenades and sharp shooter-What my mind thinks and what actually comes out of my mouth are 2 completely different thing- maybe i am the living breathing girl version of Jackcal and Hide- My latest detrimental escapade has landed me in some interesting hurricane weather- where i'm standing outside watching the volatile wind hitting every abstract object- as it grow increasingly closer to me- So i just found out, my closest friend, no longer wants me in her life-  KABAM- the bomb's goes off- its just like being knocked off the gold medal podium pole. She no longer wants to have any communication with me ,what so ever- imagine a media black out. Because this is exactly how i feel. Looking to watch t.v but no sounds or the pivotal HD channels to speak of-- its eerie-. She decide to freeze me out- over two months ago-. With no concrete  explanation- i tried communicating with her, last month- no answer till today She decided to send a text message 2 months later- just telling to be cordiale and professional. How is this even possible- when has she come into some neurotic conclusion to something that as happened that i have no knowledge of- i feel like the mayan civilization who evaporated in thin air- Some event has taken place- she has drawn her own postulation, and decided to throw me out like a outdated  pair of nine west pumps-how can a individual who's so dear to me one moment, decide's that you are no longer worth their time-.A diamond takes millions  of year to develop- that what friendship is- they metamorphose to rubies, emeralds and sapphires-  but in mid transformation she no longer has the interest to indulged in the after glow- my hyde personality is madding with fire and erupting lava- i feel  like yelling at the slightest sight of her- but then i will look like the madding women i am- and i'd rather be Hyde- i just want to know what was it that she thinks i've done- but as elusive as quantum energy- i don't think, i'll ever know. I've become discarded.Welcome to the world of the unwanted.


  1. I feel your pain. My best friend for about 13 years abandoned me last year. It was very painful. We grew up together in highschool and stayed close ever since. Even when either of us was out of the country or moved to another city, we still stayed in touch.

    Out of the blue, all my calls and emails were ignored. I got one apology email during the transition from all to nothing apologizing for not being more in touch. Weeks went by, months went by, it's been almost a year now. I still hurt when I think about it. It makes me feel silly that I hurt so much about a friend who didn't give back what I put in. Why did I give it my all? I think my family and friends who are close as family deserve my all. Obviously we didn't see eye to eye on that.

    I have made new friends but nothing as close. I have just given that extra love to the ones who deserve it. My parents, my love, my friends.

    I stumbled upon your blog because I also love Coffee Pu erh. It is always the tin that gets refilled the most. Coco Chai Rooibos takes second and needs to be had as a latte...mmm...Lucky I am close to the downtown location.

  2. lol ! coco Chai ! its good for reflecting on late night and reading blogs! i didn't think anyone was actually reading these- i just consider it a dairy entry! Thank you for the wonderful feed back- its very intuitive and welcoming-