Wednesday, 5 September 2012


I've just had a dream, awoke crying- But a happy cry. I saw my brother. My sweet little brother- it was the strangest thing. I haven't seen him as much, yet again i haven't  thought of him as often- My funny brother was my humour, my heart my courage-As the years passed- and i can't believe i am actually acknowledging passage of time- i've see him less- I'm a little perplexed, because when i awoke i saw him as he's always been , strong, tall, impeccable skin and gracious humble wide smile, its infectious- you can't help but smile back- his leg muscles as strong as always, his strut and aura- was maginificanted- i saw him on the beach, running towards me with the greats smile and the sun shaun behide him. i could tell we were @ a foreign beach-  i just awoke with a cry, it was a savage cry mixed with a million emotions- i saw him smile and my heart stopped- i haven't seen him like this in forever- no trace of cancer- it was as if he never had it, full head of hair- spiked up as always- fashionable- he's always been a handsome boy- chiselled one dimple and cleft chin, all prefect- no trace of hodgkins , no sign of leukaemia skin. Just him so happy- i've missed him so- i remember thinking- oh non - its only a few seconds- something about us saying or telepathically talking about how to see each other again- my lil brother was memorized by Houdini, and how he had said to his wife he would find a way to communicate back from the other side- He had said this to all of us- i just remember him saying, communicating something about picture- and everything else is vague- i just remember waking up- happy and sad. I saw him after so long, i miss him much too much- i should asked how he was- where is he, i love him- turbulent of emotions- i just wanna see him again, soon and more often-


I'm infatuated- i've been intrigued and enchanted by a temptress- i've kept my distance in pass few years- mostly because i just didn't know how to handle it-i felt as thought…. i wasn't good enough. I still don't think i'm bright, to have  captivating conversation with her- She incredibility cultured. She can make you laugh at a whim and mesmerize you,so much so- that you'd believe the sky is really red instead of blue- She can spellbind you in a countless song from a arrant of genre and serenade any ballet in french-she simply one in a million. She stood up for me when other decide to beguile and besiege -i never knew till few years passed- She is humble and is so bold. She a has a wick streak- and doesn't allow anyone to get close to her, so she attacks and belittles- she say outrageous things- only to keep others away- i've observed her for much tooooooooo long-  But recently months, i become consumed- i can't help but know where she is , what she doing or where she's been- What makes everything worst is, we have common friends- so all the information i want is at hand-Or that fantastic bum keeps me pretty updated.  But i've also bleed- she isn't really interested in me, but a younger taller version- i can't help but wonder if my infatuation intensified,cause of it. - Yep, i'm a tad strange- i was actually having a riveting conversation with a common friend- where i just can't help but gush and squeal, when her name is brought up, and we seem to always have the similar personal problems- and that,makes me smile. She's almost a kindred spirit, but she clueless-  She also into astrology- which is the downfall- in her conviction,  our signs do not match- and ALSO the fact she interested in  some else-( i have to continually remind myself that- because if i don't i start to day dream- and that not wise-) My friend last night was about to tell me bad news, i could tell- we were talking about  my temptress and she know, even if i can't admit it-- She began by saying i don't think- and i had to cut the conversation short and bid goodnight- I guess a massive disillusional part of me, is enjoying, this secret crush. I love the butterflies and rosy coloured outlook i have- i have a lighter step and can't help but smile- she makes me feel invincible- and i like that feeling- call me naive and selfish, its ok- i enjoy being this way-  I'm not ready yet. To have that rug pulled out of my feet. Bu, because i am that practical person-  i've started to mentally prepare myself- i gotta get myself in a relationship soon- cause this cozy feeling i have- isn't  suppose to last as long as it has-  and i'd rather have the true genuine emotions- then this, very besot tantalizing, obsession - i say this with the sweetest and mysterious smile- i can't help it LOL- she dazzles and bewitches me